my being single is dangerous.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
