hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
