Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
