Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
