is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it hurts more in the daytime
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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