New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
