dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
