Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
