she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
