You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
