I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My life is pants optional.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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