Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
