Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize