made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
