can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
