You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
