if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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