So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize