I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
