well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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