Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
