He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
