My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
