Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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