only if we run a train.
done.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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