You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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