Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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