I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize