oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
