My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
