is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize