I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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