Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
