i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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