I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
