Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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