got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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