Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
