That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
