who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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