Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
