when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
