you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
