Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He passed out mid-signature
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
