I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
