Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
