Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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