The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
