like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
