Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
