i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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