Umm I'm too high to move.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
