At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
