I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
