I heard we made out
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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