Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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