Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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