Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
