i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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