So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
