Moan for me like Helen Keller
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
