Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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