he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize